There’s a very thin line between love and hate, and, seeing how one particular late night show host just keeps mocking “the thinnest, lightest, fastest iPhone ever,” you can’t help but wonder how does he really feel about the gadget.

I personally think Conan O’Brien is a closeted Apple fanboy himself, but that’s beside the point right now. What is on point is CoCo’s dedication to tearing the iPhone 5 to pieces on cable television late night in and late night out.

I’m sure you all remember a little clip from a couple of weeks ago that made fun of how Apple employees always seem to “lose” working prototypes of unreleased phones, but also the failed “exclusive sneak peek” of the iPhone 5 from last week.

Conan and his team are at it again, and quite surprisingly they manage to keep the jokes simple, fresh and best of all hilarious. This time we’re dealing with an “official Apple guide” for waiting on the iPhone 5 to ship to you (that’s right, the delays are piling up), and the tips in the video might actually be helpful for those of you forced to wait and wait and wait.

Graham Davies, “Customer Expectations Manager” at Apple (also Senior Vice President of Product Design, according to that first video), admits that no person should have to experience “the torment” of waiting for the iPhone 5 for two or three extra weeks. We aren’t going to tell you what happens next (hint: the ending is brilliant), but what we are going to do is lend our own hand for this humanitarian cause.

If you therefore feel like the suggestions in the clip aren’t enough to make the waiting bearable, here are a few extra tips:

  • Wait quietly while reading how much awesomer the Samsung Galaxy S3 is compared to the iPhone 5
  • Wait quietly while reading how cool the LG Optimus G and Samsung Galaxy Note 2 will be in just a matter of weeks
  • Keep telling yourself that you’re not a sheep if you actually get the iPhone 5 thinking it’s the best phone
  • Think of clever and subtle ways to tell all your friends you “upgraded”… Ah, screw it, a Facebook post will do just fine.
  • Keep being creative while not forgetting to ask customers if they want fries with that burger
  • Performance is not all about specs, performance is not all about specs, performance is not all about specs
  • You don’t need HD resolution to have a great screen
  • No viruses
  • Sure, your 4G will definitely be better than our 4G
  • Who needs maps anyways, right?
  • Do yourself a favor, admit you made a mistake, cancel your pre-order and get the Galaxy S3. Or HTC One X. Or wait for the Galaxy Note 2. Or the Optimus G. Or just stick with your iPhone 4S. It’s the same frigging thing, for Pete’s sake!
Anyone want to add on that list?