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Samsung, follow these five simple steps and you will achieve worldwide domination

April 2, 2012

Yo, Samsung, are you listening? Yes you are. You are making a lot of Android devices, and are one of the largest manufacturers of phones in the world. Can you do better? You most certainly can. How, you may ask? Read on Sammy, read on.

I have a few things I want you to pay attention to.

First off, you’re doing a pretty good job. But, we don’t get better by sitting on our past accomplishments, now do we? We get better by critically examining ourselves, by thinking originally and creatively, and by accepting no compromises in everything we do.

Let’s be frank, HTC’s One X kicks some serious you-know-what, and you better be bringing your ‘A’ game when the Samsung Galaxy S3 comes to market. The Verge just wrote that “the One X isn’t just one of the best Android phones [they’ve] ever used — it’s one of the best mobile devices [they’ve] ever used, period”.

Also, I don’t care if you have to scrap all the plans you’ve made so far. I really don’t. The whole purpose of releasing new devices is that they are better than anything on the market. And i’m not just talking faster, or better looking, or better battery life, or with a better display, i’m talking like BETTER in every way. To do anything less would be a serious tragedy, and a huge business mistake.

So, I’ve got a few tips for you.

  1. First of all, make a quad core QWERTY device with a massive, HD display. Don’t question this, just do it. You know you want to.
  2. Second of all, focus on higher build quality materials. Your devices are remarkably hard to break, and that’s a good thing. Not a day would go by where I wouldn’t drop my Galaxy S2 onto concrete, wood, or tile. Not a scratch, I’m very happy to report.
  3. Additionally, people love AMOLED. While color purists will decry the lack of accurate representation of colors, real, normal people love them. Not a display technology can compare to the bottomless blacks they provide, nor provide the beautiful saturated colors we have all come to know and love.
  4. Make a 10.1 inch AMOLED tablet with incredible specs. There, I said it.
  5. Learn from the world’s best tech reviewers that TouchWiz and other manufacturer UI’s are at best tolerated, and are certainly not loved. And they slow down update cycles, so get rid of them.

If you’ve been paying attention, then you know the writing is on the wall. The future blueprint for your success is already there, right before you. All you have to do is act. I know you’re a big company. Build it, they will come.

Oh, and finally, it’s time to start playing hardball with the carriers. Their bloatware, and the other moneymaking garbage they throw on their devices is really slowing down update cycles. JR Raphael, who is more or less an Android God, gives you a C- in his Android Report Card! This is unacceptable. Honoring those that have purchased your products with updates and good support is paramount to having long term success. Demand better of the carriers, and control the updates yourself.

Do all of those things, and keep doing them, keep innovating, and you will be rewarded with hundreds of millions of happy customers. Do anything less, and you risk resting in a sea of mediocrity, forever tarnishing the (potentially) loved Galaxy name, and your brand at large.

What do you guys think? Tell Sammy below. No holds barred, this is a fight to the death! Let it all out, it will feel good.