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These quips from diehard iPhone fans will make your blood boil

April 15, 2014

At Android Authority, we like to be reasonable with our views and opinions. While we’re big fans of the Android platform and ecosystem, we like being fair. We can admit when the competition — namely iOS and, to some extent, Windows Phone and other platforms — have a certain edge or advantage over our beloved Android.

Competition is tough, especially between Apple and Google. It goes beyond the corporate level, however. Sometimes, users fight tooth and nail to defend their preferred platform, to the extent of voicing out strong opinions and expressly bashing anyone who disagrees. Sadly, this turns us all into iSheep and Fandroids. Nothing can be gained by launching personal attacks, insults and hate messages at each other.

Still, you have to hand it to some folks who troll the comment threads looking for fights to pick, clearly wanting to annoy those of us who want to have some serious and useful discussion. Check out some quips from diehard iPhone fans compiled by Business Insider, for example, which might make the blood of any proud Android fan curdle.

1. “Would you mind moving your enormous phone?”

Seriously. Everyone's doing it these days. (Credit: Amber Wilkie Photography)
Seriously. Everyone’s doing it these days. (Credit: Amber Wilkie Photography)

Sure, Apple prides itself in optimizing the iPhone’s design for one-handed operation. However, 4-inch screens are clearly no longer big enough for many a power user. You can only cram so much content into this space, especially as apps and mobile websites start featuring richer user experiences. True enough, not everyone is into ginormous 6-inch smartphones (like the Huawei Ascend Mate and HTC One Max). But that’s the beauty of Android — you get a choice of different sizes, price points and features.

And mind you, it’s not just enormous phones that bother people, especially when taking photos. Have you ever been to a preschool moving-up ceremony where everyone is holding up full-size iPads for taking photos and videos? I have! Move your iPads out of the way, folks! We’re trying to watch our kids sing and dance here.

2. “The design is perfect.”

How we wish! (Credit: Redmondpie)
How we wish! (Credit: Redmondpie)

This is, of course, subjective. While you can argue all day about how Apple design chief Jony Ive — sir Jony Ive — can create the most magnificent designs in his sleep, it’s not only Apple devices that are subject to great thought in terms of design. I can think of a handful of great Android devices that had great design, in terms of function, user experience and aesthetics. Take the Moto X, for example, or even its little brother, the Moto G. How about the HTC One and its successor, the One (M8)?

Sorry, no chops to Samsung for this one. Their best-selling S series works great, but these devices are like the Toyota Corollas of the Android world. They can run damn well and outlast everyone else, but they’re simply too bland for my taste. However, even Apple has had its duds. Ever heard of the iPhone 4 antennagate? Sometimes you can over-think aesthetics but sacrifice functionality. There’s good design, and there’s bad design. But something perfect? Again, this is subjective.

3. “There’s an app for that …”

Feeling cold? There's an app for that!
Feeling cold? There’s an app for that!

Yes, there are a handful of apps on Google Play for that. And on other Android app marketplaces like Amazon Appstore and even the Nokia Store. It seems this expression has gone beyond simply referring to the iTunes App Store. In fact, we now refer to computer programs as apps instead of just software. My, how the world has changed!

4. “… And I don’t have to deal with so many stock ones!”

Oh, and that's Queen Cersei in the background
Oh, and that’s Queen Cersei in the background.

Now this one rings true. If you’ve ever dealt with bloatware on your Android smartphone, I would agree these are some things that cause hair-pulling frustration when they get in the way of a great user experience — especially so if they’re bundled apps from the carriers. This is why I prefer rooting my phone and freezing unwanted apps as soon as I can.

But still, not all Android phones come with unwanted “stock” apps. Take Google Play Edition phones, for example. Or the Nexus line. For those of us who detest the likes of Sense UI, TouchWiz, Xperia and other customizations that manufacturers want to slap onto their devices, there’s always the vanilla Android experience with GPE. Or there are custom ROMs or even plain AOSP for those who are technically adept enough.

5. “I get free in-store tech support.”

Logcat. Solves everything.
Logcat. Solves everything.

Well, yes, but we Android users like to tweak, explore and optimize our devices to our heart’s content. Why drive to the store to have some Genius troubleshoot for you while you wait? Android fans like digging through XDA Developers, Google and other fine sources like Android Authority for our tech support needs.

Okay, I get it that Geniuses at Apple Stores know their stuff and are among the best in front-line customer and after-sales service. But I think it’s part of the Android experience to explore a bit and learn in the process.

6. “I can stream content to my TV using AirPlay.”

Sadly, the concept of 4K is lost on these people.
Sadly, the concept of 4K is lost on these people.

One word: Chromecast.

Okay, while supported content is a bit less expansive than AirPlay, I think the wider platform support will get Chromecast a competitive edge in the near future.

7. “I can get new software updates as soon as they’re available.”

Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly.
Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly.

Yes, but do you really want to? Sometimes, getting updates the moment they are released can cause headaches, like zero-day exploits and undocumented bugs. When Apple released iOS 6.0, it came with the then-unwanted Apple Maps, and a handful of battery-draining and data-eating bugs. I personally want to wait a while before updating, to see if other folks are experiencing problems.

And while the Android update process take months for carriers and manufacturers to work on, those with Nexus devices and Google Play Edition phones get updates and patches as soon as they are released by Google. And for those on the bleeding edge, there are custom ROMs with nightly builds.

8. “It has Siri.”

Self-driving cars? Delivery drones? Robot dogs? How soon until Skynet is self-aware?
Self-driving cars? Delivery drones? Robot dogs? How soon until Skynet is self-aware?

Frankly, in my experience, Google Now is a much smarter personal assistant than Siri. And all of these voice-powered assistants are nowhere as powerful as I’d want them to be. Get me Samantha (from Her), HAL 9000 (from 2001: A Space Odyssey) or Jane (from the Ender’s Game series), and we can start talking. But until my AI assistant can grow my investment portfolio for me, Siri, Google Now and Cortana are just over-hyped PDAs.

There’s one thing I’m afraid all these voice-powered assistants are leading to, however. Combined with big data, cloud-based apps and interconnected Internet-of-Things, we’re probably on our way to building Skynet.

9. “Emoji”

One does not simply send text with Emoji to Android users. It is known.
One does not simply send text with Emoji to Android users. It is known.

Yes, they’re fun, but they don’t exactly drastically improve my smartphone user experience. Besides, I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s, when emoticons and BBS-language acronyms were all the rage. I can easily type a smiley face, thank you very much.

10. “There is every accessory imaginable.”

Here's how the wild, wild west was really won.
Here’s how the wild, wild west was really won.

It helps if your product line consists of only one or two current models in any given cycle. This makes it easier to build cases and other accessories for the iPhone and iPad, for example. But the same goes for the Samsung Galaxy line and even other lesser-known gadgets out there.

11. “Autocorrect this!”

Yeah, baby!
Yeah, baby!

We’ve all been hit by autocorrect mis-types at one point or another. But Android simply makes the typing experience miles better than the iPhone keyboard with options like Swype and Fleksy, my two favorite keyboard replacements.

Check out the video below.

What do you think? Have you had any bad experiences with iPhone users calling you out for your use of an Android smartphone or tablet? How did you react?