Conan’s iPhone 5 stolen by Samsung ahead of launch day, probably to check its weird specs and features

September 14, 2012
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The Apple vs Samsung patent-based legal conflict doesn’t need any more introductions as, no matter whether you followed it closely like we did or not, you have probably heard about the South Korean’s huge defeat in one of the U.S. cases between them.

The jury found that a variety of Galaxy-based devices infringed on several Apple patents and that Samsung has to pay Apple $1.05 billion in damages. Even Conan O’Brian made fun of Samsung during the trial in one of his shows, clearly suggesting that Samsung is indeed following Apple’s lead. Fast forward a few months and it looks like everything worked out against Conan, as Samsung took direct action against him and his iPhone 5 hands-on preview that should have taken place a few days ahead of the phone’s official launch day. Just check out the video below to see what happened:

So why was Conan’s iPhone 5 stolen by Samsung? Well, the Android maker may have been interested in the new iPhone’s specs and features, at least those presented by Conan’s Team Coco. Here’s what Samsung may be interested in finding out more details about when looking at the device:

  • During the iPhone 5 unveiling in San Francisco, a gentle hush descended across the Earth. Dogs and cats snuggled, doves wept with joy, and mortal enemies everywhere briefly set aside their differences and commenced feverishly swapping spit.
  • The new iPhone is 18% thinner and 20% lighter than the 4S, making it the first smartphone with specs one can measure in Triscuits.
  • Apes that touch the glowing new mini-monolith are suddenly able to turn basic tools into weapons.
  • You will still probably have to stand in line for four hours outside an Apple Store next to a lumberjack who just discovered dub-step and two bloggers wearing Atticus Finch glasses narrating their Tumblrs to each other.
  • The new iPhone 5 magically induces people with the iPhone 4S to bite the insides of their cheeks until they tasted blood.
  • Siri has been upgraded; the “intelligent personal assistant” will tell you sports scores, and automatically place bets with your bookie.
  • The iPhone 5’s 8MP camera is slimmer than before, and can make that can of Beefaroni look like Mario Batali is your personal chef.
  • The elongated display is newly optimized for those with freakishly nimble asparagus fingers.
  • Apple’s new battery promises 225 hours of standby and is powered by the tears of Chinese laborers.
  • The iPhone 5 is made out of a nanomorph mimetic poly-alloy, which means if you smash it against your desk in a frothing rage, it will reduce itself to a pool of liquid metal, then quietly reform back to its prior shape.
  • The iPhone 5 has 4G-LTE network connectivity, so you’ll be able to download alt-folk dirges off of iTunes nanoseconds before they’re cool.
  • The iPhone 5 will sprout spider legs and use digestive acids to liquify any Samsung Galaxy 3’s in the vicinity.
  • Price: 199.99 for 16GB, $299.99 for 32GB, $399.99 for 64GB with two year contract signed in bone marrow.

Yes, this all of the above, including video and the weird iPhone 5 characteristics, is parody and should be treated accordingly. And no, Samsung didn’t steal any iPhone 5. They have enough cash to buy one when it comes out next week and explore it themselves.

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